On my way to work this morning I noticed an odd bumper sticker on the car idling in front of me at the red light. It said “I better get laid soon or I’m going to hurt somebody”
Well then. I’m not one to cheat on my wife but if I can help avoid blood shed from lack of someone’s sexual needs being met I will do what I have to do. Although I couldn’t see if it was a male or female in the driver’s seat I blew them kisses when they looked up. Gender be damned. Lives were on the line people. Honking the horn is a great way to get someone’s attentions when your sending a little love their way.
Now I know just air mailing a kiss doesn’t count as getting laid as their bumper put it but hopefully this act of lust will satisfy their urges enough for a little while so the don’t go postal. Who know. I might have just saved some innocent people. No need to thank me.
And to let the possible future sex starved brawler in the Honda in front of me know there was still passion in our now ten second old romance I mouthed the words “I LOVE YOU” then licked my lips for an extra “MMMmmmmmm” factor. Most people wouldn’t go that far. I do……because I care.
Funny thing happened after that. The light turned green and they gunned it. Here I am being all provocative (and dare I say sexy) for a motorist at the end of their sex starved rope while they’re on the verge of being prone to a violent act and they just leave me. Shows what I get for putting myself out there.
But I was smitten. Never mind they tried to run from my sexual advances. I persuaded them like Loony Toon’s Peppy LaPeu. Out my rolled down window I proclaimed to joggers, bikers and people taking trash to the road side that “I love the driver of the car in front of me and I want everyone to know!!. We’re going to be together”
I think they might change that bumper sticker from “If I don’t get laid soon I’m going to hurt somebody” to “If I get laid by that guy behind me I might get hurt soon”
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